I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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