Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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