my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
