Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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