Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
