Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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