You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
