Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
