so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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