I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
