Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
