was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
