I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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