I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I deserve this hangover.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
