Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
