I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
