Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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