I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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