i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
