She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
