Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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