I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
