Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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