Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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