I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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