great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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