dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
