I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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