I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize