Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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