I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
