she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
