Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
