There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
