Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
