So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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