im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
