Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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