the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize