I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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