Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
