I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
