Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
