Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize