what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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