It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
what day is it and did you see me today?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
