Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
