I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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