the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
