i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
