Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
