I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
