i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
