drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
