I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
