If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
