know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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