Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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