I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
