I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
