New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
