I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
