apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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