Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
