I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
