Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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