I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
