she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
