I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
