For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
