I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
