I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
