He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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