In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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