I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
