If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A+ Viking dick
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