at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize