He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
