imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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