Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The air was thick with penises
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
