girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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