No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
