So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
