I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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