if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
