For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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