love makes seman taste better
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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