paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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