just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
