Soap is not a condiment
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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