well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
