I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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