He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
