i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
