I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
