shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
